Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
