I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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