I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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