OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you win again, gameday.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
