I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
