i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm having to shit out rocks
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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