I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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