so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
