i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
