"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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