i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
