i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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