I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize