Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i will never coherently bang her
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
