On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
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