i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
