Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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