My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
