idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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