dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
