Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
