benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
