Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
They took my balls.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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