I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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