cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
