I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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