Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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