and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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