some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
