Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
