yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
