If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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