you're like a bully in the Christmas story
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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