smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
