The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
