Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
