i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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