im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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