Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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