We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Sober January is a disaster.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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