You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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