Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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