gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
