Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
