My liver just broke up with me...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
