$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
