You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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