My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
