There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
