they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
