To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
