Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize