Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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