Someone shit on the floor
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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