Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
