you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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