my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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