Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
