Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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