I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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