Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
