And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
