i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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