you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
